sueño
a clapboard house
she’s there
it’s their house?
people are there
all lesbians of color
some i recognize, some i don’t
somewhere, not that house
a rented room?
she and i are together
we are alone
after too much time
i am flooded with questions
that i don’t ask
i know that any asking will push her further away
she’s still closed down
tortured by something
in so much pain
you’re/she’s trying to have a baby? i venture
she mutters something about confusion
then says: ella is trying, ella wants to try
then that house again
this time my mother is with me
a lot of people gathering
ella has gotten word that i’m in town
she’s in a rush
there are now elders in the crowd
family members
lots of movement, busyness
i start to understand what is happening
a quick wedding
to seal me out
i panic
i try to find her in the crowd
but see only ella
in a white wedding gown
i/my mother are on the periphery of the crowd
outsiders looking in
people aghast that i’m there
why am i there?
the beginnings of the ceremony
ella walks to the front
people clap and cheer for her
but when she finally, slowly walks to the front
everyone disperses
the party is not happy with her
dead
silence
until i/my mother clap for her
so that she will not be all alone
and then i silently leave them to their party
